((I’m sorry I’ve disappeared for SO long… didn’t mean to. But now I have more written pieces to add. This one is about Crimsen… it’s his IC blog ))
The Sith are idiots.
That’s what I used to believe about them. And I was convinced nothing could change my mind. Sith are idiotic, arrogant bullies. They can’t even be nice to their own people, nevermind the galaxy at large. That was it; that was all I could see when I looked at those sadomasochist morons running the Empire.
I know, this is very odd coming from a Sith Pureblood. Not the first time I’ve been called that. Odd, rebellious, heretic, potential traitor… But that’s what happens you shake off Sith training and bury your force sensitivity so deep down that not even the Force itself can find it. I was convinced the day I started force training, was the day Sith and Jedi became best friends. The name is Crimsèn, or Cipher 8 as I got designated in Intelligence. I loved being a Cipher, and I suppose I still do to some degree.
How did I come to these conclusions? My home life, and from learning more about the Sith Empire at large. As the only son and heir of wealth Sith Lords, it was only natural that I’d be tortured and beaten up for simply looking at them wrong. It made perfect sense why they’d enslave their own people, and treat them worse than me (I got fed 3 times daily; some weeks they were lucky if they got fed once). Of course, their logic failed on me: There was absolutely no reason beyond because they could that I was reduced to a pile of flesh barely being held together by broken and incapacitated bones. The more I thought about them way back in my teenage years, the more I despised what they became and the more I flatly refused to be like them. So fuck you, Korriban, because I aint visiting there with a training sword on my back!
Being in intelligence was how I could serve the Empire, and for the most part ignore the Sith and the force. I joined at the age of 17 and quickly one of the best agents intelligence had to offer. I was good at it too: I have never gone anywhere or done anything. People have disappeared while I’ve been “at my desk” or miraculously defected while I was “out of the sector.” And that’s how I liked it: Hiding in plain sight, becoming very big via being very small. People in intelligence were for the most part my allies, colleagues, and friends. They weren’t my slaves, tools or objects.
So what the hell am I doing getting a training sword, and preparing for my lover to teach me basic lightsaber techniques??? How did I end up here? How did I go from “The Sith are idiots” to wanting to be trained as one? The answer is simple, yet complicated. The simple version is I met someone and he changed everything: My opinion of the Sith, what it meant to be a true Sith, and the place the force has in my life were slowly altered.
The long answer is that one day I met a General serving on the Dominator. It was when I was stationed at Nar Shaddaa… I went to the barge their to mingle, as a good Cipher does, and out of the blue I hear “My, aren’t you a handsome young man! Allow me to buy you a drink.” I go over that moment a million times: How did the man I’ve grown to love more than I thought possible ever garner interest in me? He probably saw me put away my rifle before entering the barge. He probably could tell I wasn’t trained. Was I simply different? Were there no young pureblood men available? I have no clue to this day, and I don’t think he does sometimes either. What is clear to me is that he was the most handsome, understanding pureblood I’ve met.
True, he doesn’t like people who are not pureblood at first, if at all. Some call it racist, I call it him not wanting out civilization to be lost to foreign invaders anymore than it already has been. Those of our kind are the true Sith, after all, not simply those who wield the darkside. That was the first thing he made sure I had drilled into my head. You know, after years of being told I was garbage and a disgrace to Sith society, it was refreshing to hear someone tell me that I am a Sith by blood, regardless of my occupation. Then his use of the force in ways that weren’t simply bullying… He’s graceful on the battlefield. Don’t tell him I said that as I would die of embarrassment on the spot. He’s so muscular, strong… doesn’t actually depend on the force for everything. Not to mention he doesn’t treat his allies like dirt… No wonder I care for him and I have little doubt he cares for me.
Hence why I finally decided to let him train me. I’ll make it clear: He never forced Sith training on me. In fact, he said I may have made a wise decision picking intelligence over Sith training! Sure, he showed me some occasional tricks ranging from the force being awesome in bed and helping my aim, but that was it. He never gave me a ticket to Korriban, nor did he make me hold a lightsaber. I think the first thing ever held between was an occasional dinner date, and of course many embraces. I love his embraces: They’re so warm and so strong… It makes me sad that until I officially inherit my parents’ estate, I can’t show to the whole of the Empire how wonderful his embraces are. Someday… Someday…
For now, I just stand watch on the bridge of the Dominator watching him survey everyone with a commanding demeanour that I can’t help but look at with awe. Thankfully I look away before he can catch me… I don’t want to distract him, after all. Since I’m the intelligence officer on his ship, personnel don’t bother me much. I often stand and observe what’s going on in order to determine both what is normal, what is out of the ordinary, and who doesn’t belong there at all. It’s amazing how simply observing can explain away so much, and narrow in on targets I’ve been hunting.
If he’s not here, he’s training in the gym. The gym is full of exercise equipment and weight training. Though I haven’t used them up until now, he is at those training dummies all the time. They’re resistant to everything, including lightsabers… and he was always there while I was lifting weights. And I was afraid the sight of him would make me melt into the floor. Sometimes I think he was putting more grace into his movements to ensure my eyes were glued on him for a little bit.
It’s just too bad we can’t be seen doing more romantic things… like going on dates in the cantina. I’ve been there a few times when I needed a drink, and some alone time. Some officers bring their dates here, but not us.
I understand that in the military, professionalism is key. I also know that I couldn’t be blatantly obvious while my parents were alive. They were the ones who killed two men, who they suspected were a couple, right in front of me with the threat “If you do as they are, you will become as they are now.” Not very encouraging for a young man who was trying to come to terms with his sexual and romantic orientation.
Still, I am tired of hiding. My parents are dead now, so there is no threat there. He and I don’t really have to hide we care about each other on the Dominator. Enough rumours going around the crew convinced me our relationship is the worst kept secret- though neither of us blatantly came out and said we’re a couple, never mind sleep with each other. The Dominator’s men jumped to that conclusion on their on. If it weren’t for the fact that I think Kesh shut Admiral Shye up the hard way, I’d still be laughed at as the General’s “new toy”…
Come on guys, if I was really the general’s toy do you honestly think I would’ve lasted this long? Hardly! Either he would have laid me and then tossed me aside or forced me to undergo his training instead of waiting until I asked.
In the meantime, it’s Sith training and learning Sith philosophy for me! Thankfully, it’s real Sith philosophy, not the Korriban stuff. Thankfully, a branch of Keshiri’s quarters contains many things from holocrons to artifacts. (It contains perfect make out spots too, but I’ll wait til I’m more trained to point them out…)
Hopefully someday I’ll be the Warrior of the EmpireI was supposed to be all along. I’m happy I chose to ask him to train me. Mostly because I trust him to train me in a way that isn’t Korriban, but also because I want to do it for him. As awesome as it is to be his intelligence officer… I did, and do, dream of charging into battle along side him with sabers drawn, and ready to beat back the enemy.